Baseball 2005

Never has any season started with as much controversey as this baseball season? So what will happen? Here's my thoughts:

A breakthrough in scientific research discovers that avocados, when eaten in gigantic amounts, produces the same effects as steroids. Guacamole consumption by MLB players jumps an astounding 15,500%.

Barry Bonds takes his son out with him to an at-bat against the Cardinals, to show pitchers the pain they cause his family every time he’s intentionally walked.

The Washington Nationals start off cold, still getting used to playing in a city that speaks only English.

The baseball world is stunned as home plate at Wrigley Field explodes during a Nomar Garciaparra at-bat. It is later learned it was just Dusty Baker’s kid playing with firecrackers.

Now that the Red Sox have won a World Series, Boston doesn’t really know what to do anymore…

BALCO breaks into the guacamole market.

The Houston Astros change the name of their home ballpark back to Enron Field, hoping it will help them steal a pennant.

Halfway through the year, with their record at a dismal 4-79, the Royals go down to single-A where they belong.

The Angels change their name again, this time to the West Coast Southern California Orange County Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Which, In Case You Didn’t Catch It The First Time, Is Right Next To Los Angeles, But We’re Really Los Angeles.

As August comes rolling in and the pennant chases are starting to get exciting, the annual question comes popping into people’s heads: When does the NFL preseason start?

Due to player assaults by fans at U.S. Cellular Field, White Sox fans are now required to go through a background check before they’re released from prison to go to a game.

After a massive malfunction of Safeco Field’s retractable roof, the Mariners have a record 56 games rained out.

The Oakland Athletics win a thrilling 7-game World Series over the Los Angeles Dodgers, with the two teams combining for a record 59 home runs. Their success is attributed to California’s status as a large-scale avocado-growing state.