Robert's House of Hamsters

Somewhere between Sacramento, the Oregon border and that tingly feeling in your toes.



The world of journalism according to me received a step backwards today due to character issues.

That's all for now.


It takes a real man to admit he gets emotional from Notre Dame football

Stephanie's post on TV that make her cry gave me an interesting idea.

One of those link-up games where everybody describes something on TV or in a movie that makes them cry guaranteed.

My admission: I don't exactly cry, but I start to get a little watery-eyed at the end of "Rudy" when the namesake sacks the Georgia Tech quarterback and gets carried off the field.

Lucky me, I found the clip on YouTube (and yes, Rudy is Lynn McGill from "24.")

And if you're not into that, there is the best blonde joke ever.


Rules for getting a flat tire

Rule 1: You do not talk about the flat tire.

Rule 2: You do not talk about the flat tire.

Rule 3: Never, ever get a flat tire on Highway 99 through Chico between the hours of 5 and 7 p.m. Drivers during this time are all getting off work; they're tired, they want to get home and most importantly they don't slow the f*** down.

Rule 4: Never, ever get a flat tire in the left hand lane. Why? Because all those rat bastards driving around you will not let you get over into the right-hand lane so you can get onto an offramp , therefore not having to put on a spare alongside Highway 99 during rush-hour traffic when people don't slow the f*** down.

Rule 5: Don't have Chico PD call you a tow truck on Highway 99. They don't follow protocol (in other words, hanging around) as the tow truck driver will tell you later. Then again, you can't really blame Chico PD, because it's alongside Highway 99 during rush-hour traffic when people don't slow the f*** down.

Rule 6: Remember that, if you have a spare and have practiced putting on a spare numerous times with your father, you don't need to have Chico PD call you a tow truck in the first place. It's a waste of time for you and truck driver, who comments several times that if he knew you were on the freeway, he wouldn't have come out in the first place because it's Highway 99 during rish-hour traffic when people don't slow the f*** down.

Rule 7: If you're going to get a flat tire, try to have it happen in the Friday evening-Sunday afternoon timeframe. That way, you don't have to call in to work and let your boss know you're going to be late because you're needing to get a new tire.

Rule 8: Flat tires are infinitely worse after having spent all day covering a Butte County Board of Supervisors meeting in Oroville--especially when it was most likely the mass amounts of road construction between Oroville and Chico that caused the flat tire on Highway 99 during rush-hour traffic when people don't slow the f*** down.

Rule 9: Free roadside assistance with your car insurance is sweet.

Rule 10: Tire warranties are sweet, espeically if the tire crapped out three months after being installed.


My internship experience.

Last summer, I was an intern at the same paper I now work at.

How was it? Kind of like a Ninternship:


Because I damn well feel like it.

This is, of course the House of Hamsters. And we all know that ninjas rule over pirates.

So, here's a combination of the two: Ninja of "Ask a Ninja" fame dancing to "The Hampsterdance Song." (we aren't biased against those who screw up spelling "hamster')


Few more changes

Added two new sites: The Best of Craigslist and Overheard in the Office.

There's also Overheard in New York if you're interested...

Some updating goin' on...

Nothing drastic. A couple of blogs have been added. Most notably in my other locales, I have added my Paradise Post blog Platypus (which I put a lot of work into and deserves oodles and oodles of online comments), added Stephanie's new blog on her life in the Big Apple NYnewbie, and also update a link to get to Tim's blog.

Also of note right now, my buddy Dan is in Grass Valley-based metal band Just A Tragedy. They're currently competiting in Bodog Battle of the Bands. Click here and vote for them.

You've got questions, I got answers.

In a fit of boring genius, I kept asking for new random questions in by Blogger profile. Here are my answers:

You have to dig a hole to China. Where do you start?
Mongolia, right along the border. Shouldn't take long then.

When your science teacher smashed a frozen rose with a hammer, did you warm the petals to bring them back to life?
No, because my science teacher never smashed a frozen rose with a hammer. Instead he told us his fantasy of being able to jump on a desk, choke somebody then throw them through a window.

Why don't you ever wear a scarf? It doesn't need to be cold outside for your neck to feel naked.
I'm a neck nudist. Deal with it.

You've rented a sky-writer to propose to your significant other, but it's completely overcast. What will you do?
Hire a dogfighter to shoot the sky-writer down. If I'm lucky, the wreckage might spell out the proposal as well.

You've written a hit musical! How will you avoid having fame go to your head?

Hang upside-down. If all my blood has rushed to my head, there won't be any room for the fame.

If mud is dirt plus water, what is clay?
Clay is Estelle's twin brother.

Describe the sound of a moist waffle falling onto a hot griddle.

A general sizzle, but here's the sound I would make: "Griddles are for pancakes, not waffles, you moron! Take some damn cooking lessons!"

You've just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?

Probably plastics. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

What kind of tape is best for creating a sculpture?

Scotch tape. Or, at very least, some scotch.

Radio wire is often used to make bird nests. What station do they listen to?
The oldies station — they like listening to The Byrds.

In the dream where you show up to school naked, why do you never go swimming?
Water's cold.

Why does the taste of pennies remind you of losing a tooth?
Same reason the taste of a few beers could remind you of the same thing.

Your superpower is that you smell like dandelions whenever someone lies. How will you maintain your secret identity?
Work in a potpourri plant.

If you were a cannibal, what would you wear to dinner?

The question is not what, but who. Muhahahahaha…

Create a tagline for a new line of plastic bedsheets.
More fun that baby seal clubbing.

When you've got water stuck in your ear, how do you get it out?
Go to the desert.

If you were a pirate, how would you avoid laughing when saying "poop deck"?
Work latrine duty for a few days.

You have a red jar of cedar chips. Why do moths miss the forest?
Moths can't read a map.

What would you wear for camouflage if you were hiding in a gingerbread house?
Graham crackers.

You can punch a hole in an apple using a straw. How do you think that makes your milkshake feel?


The first time you had your shoes taken off - how surprised were you to see that you still had toes?
As surprised as I was when Bugs Bunny outsmarted Elmer Fudd.

Please describe how you could take the peel off an apple all in one go:
Blow up the apple with dynamite. Never said there had to be an apple left afterwards.

You've got to make contact with the alien leader. How will you tell when the conversation is finished?
When the alien leader vaporizes me and destroys the planet. Don't have me negotiate.

You've broken up with your old band and are about to release your first solo album. Please write the liner notes:

Of course I'm going to be a success. Look at what happened to Tommy Lee, Scott Stapp, those other two chicks in Destiny's Child—oh crap, I'm screwed…

Paper or briefs?
Keep the sideburns.

Why does the color blue mean raspberry-flavored?
Doesn't it make you sad when somebody sticks their tongue out at you?

Lionesses have no manes. How do they know when they've grown up?
Mane envy.

Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp. What does it say?
I'm never visiting that dentist again…

Please come up with a more appropriate name for the ringtoe:
The cananybodyfigureoutapointforhavingthistoe.

What spells can you cast with magic markers?
Some real Sharpies.

Oscillate my metallic sonatas with your plan for the Panama canal:

You've successfully slain the dragon! How will you toast your marshmallows?
To their bravery and courage and for many years of peace and happiness.

What would you name your ballet inspired by the sight of children leaping through a garden sprinkler?

Concussion in A Minor.

When you hesitate before hitting snooze on your alarm clock, are you being lazy?
No, thoughtful, because I could reach for the hammer.


Want to see how you REALLY have fun with dry ice?

A ranting platypus?

The first Platypus Saturday Rant is now up.


Tim called me a slacker...

"And shepherds we will be
for thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath decended forth from thy hand
that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command.
So we shall flow a river forth to thee
and teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti"

Sorry. Just bought the special edition of The Boondock Saints since my mother, in her wonderful way, brought me into the 21st century by purchasing me a DVD player as a late birthday present. I also some of the leftover cash to buy Flyleaf's album.

But anyways, I now have DSL at my house, so I'll start posting here again. On the plus side, I now have a blog through The Post that I post to regularly called Platypus. Check it out.