Baseball 2005

Never has any season started with as much controversey as this baseball season? So what will happen? Here's my thoughts:

A breakthrough in scientific research discovers that avocados, when eaten in gigantic amounts, produces the same effects as steroids. Guacamole consumption by MLB players jumps an astounding 15,500%.

Barry Bonds takes his son out with him to an at-bat against the Cardinals, to show pitchers the pain they cause his family every time he’s intentionally walked.

The Washington Nationals start off cold, still getting used to playing in a city that speaks only English.

The baseball world is stunned as home plate at Wrigley Field explodes during a Nomar Garciaparra at-bat. It is later learned it was just Dusty Baker’s kid playing with firecrackers.

Now that the Red Sox have won a World Series, Boston doesn’t really know what to do anymore…

BALCO breaks into the guacamole market.

The Houston Astros change the name of their home ballpark back to Enron Field, hoping it will help them steal a pennant.

Halfway through the year, with their record at a dismal 4-79, the Royals go down to single-A where they belong.

The Angels change their name again, this time to the West Coast Southern California Orange County Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Which, In Case You Didn’t Catch It The First Time, Is Right Next To Los Angeles, But We’re Really Los Angeles.

As August comes rolling in and the pennant chases are starting to get exciting, the annual question comes popping into people’s heads: When does the NFL preseason start?

Due to player assaults by fans at U.S. Cellular Field, White Sox fans are now required to go through a background check before they’re released from prison to go to a game.

After a massive malfunction of Safeco Field’s retractable roof, the Mariners have a record 56 games rained out.

The Oakland Athletics win a thrilling 7-game World Series over the Los Angeles Dodgers, with the two teams combining for a record 59 home runs. Their success is attributed to California’s status as a large-scale avocado-growing state.

Anonymous American Idiot Award #1

This new category celebrates those people I don't know by name, but are still so freakin' stupid that I just have to recognize.

So, on Friday, I was standing at the bus stop on the West Second Street side of the university parking structure. Ivy (not yet Warner) Street gets the green. Some jackass comes barrelling up Ivy in a lifted Nissan pickup, then cuts onto Second Street doing about 50. That's a 90-degree turn, and he didn't do any circle for it or anything to decrease the sharpness.

So, of course, to qualify for this award, he obviously can't hold the turn. The pickup starts to fishtail.

Now, he's fishtailing, right? Thankfully, there's no traffic coming in the opposite direction, because he's now totally sideways as he's sailing past me and steadily veering into the opposing lanes.

Okay, first rule if you're fishtailing: it's hard to straighten yourself out. If you want to avoid major damage, steer into the direction you're spinning.

Nope. Our Idiot decides to try to straighten out. On the bright side, he managed to get back to about 45 degrees before decimating the driver's side door of a black car in one of the parking spots along Second.

So, he wins the first Anonymous American Idiot Award I give out for the following reasons:

1) Trying to act like a hotshot in a Nissan pickup.
2) Lifting a Nissan pickup.
3) Having some awful-looking blueish-gray paint color.
4) Hot-shotting on Second Street, right by campus, at 2 p.m. on a Friday, right when everybody is getting out of classes for the week.
5) Completely ruining two vehicles.
6) Letting me acutally see my first car accident, instead of just hearing it.

Muzakk- The Last 10 Downloads

What I've been legitimatly downloading, because I'm getting a lot of legal downloads for free because I'm fairly certain I require a BPC (Blood Pepsi Content) of .03 to function normally and my mom needs a BDPC (Blood Diet Pepsi Content) somewhere around that too:

"Let it Dive" by ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead
"All the Worst" by Flaw
"Get Up Again" by Flaw
"Only the Strong" by Flaw
"Whole" by Flaw
"Vermillion" by Slipknot
"Green Onions" by Booker T. & the MGs.
"Sirius" by Alan Parson Project
"Gone" by tobymac
"Falling in Love" by Falling Up

PowerBar for Thought...

My connection on the Down (Under) Side, the one known only on his blog as Credo, has posted one of the most interesting postings concerning homosexuality I've seen in a while. It makes for an interesting read.

The Gay Gene

The NASCAR Post...

If you like Tony Stewart, have fun in hell.

Hehehe...

The Man Song.

Brings back the age-old notion of "if a man says something in the forest and there's not a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"

Talk about good writing...

Sex Doll Sparks Bomb Alert at Post Office

Before you do anything, just look at that headline, then read this line from the story:

The man told police he had wanted to return the doll because it kept turning itself on at the wrong moment.

There are so many ways to think about the context of that sentence that it isn't even funny. No, wait...yeah, it is funny.

I Still Hate Soccer, But...

Maradona recieves keys to Columbian city.

Okay, I know Maradona was getting his stomach stapled there and everything, but let's look at a small fact pattern.

1) Maradona's had a long-time cocaine addiction.
2) This is a city in Columbia. In case you don't know, this country is known for growing a little more than coffee.

Anybody see something even slightly amusing in this, or do I just have a sick sense of humor?

Actually, don't answer that.

Apparently, Corvallis is even more boring than I thought...

Football Player Caught With Stolen Sheep

Now, now, I thought OSU's football program was getting better. Apparently, they're still pretty baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

I'm sinking another level deeper into hell for that one.

Vanity Plates Are Just Another Way To Show You're Stupid.

Man with 'TIPSY" Plate Faces DUI Charges

This is the line I like:

Josiah Johnson, 23, said his license plate might have tipped off the Clay County sheriff's deputy who pulled him over Friday after he left Coach's Sports Pub in Moorhead.

Well, either that, or it was your general driving skills at twice the legal freakin' limit.

Could the IRS start a percussion section?

Pay Your Taxes, Pa-Rum-Pum-Pum-Pum...

Well, I guess if you don't get drummed there, you'd just be getting drummed in your audit, anyways...

3.1415926...eh, screw it...

Pi Day Gaves Math Mavens Something to celebrate

The bitter irony of this would, of course, be if these math people celebreated with a cake.

And, just for fun, here's pi to the first 10,000 digits. Now, if you're sadistic enough, there are sites that have it over a million digits, but since I'm on dial-up, you'll just have to stick with the 10k from my site.

Intern!

Well, the hunt for internships is now on. I have already sent an application to the Chico Enterprise-Record and requested information from the Paradise Post and Red Bluff Daily News. I'm only looking around the Chico area, since it's all but guaranteed I'll be living here this summer. The issue will just be finding a house that my roommates will approve of, since they're being a lot pickier about that than I am.

Updates (hopefully good ones) to come soon.

How to get around in Chico.

Chico is, in case you didn't know, is "The City Where A Map Does No Good."

Here's an explination:

1) Saying to meet someone "on the corner of Second" is no good. You see, a lot of cities have numbered streets (First Street, Second Street, etc.) or numbered Avenues (First Avenue, Second Avenue, etc.) Chico, not being satisfied with one or the other, went on ahead and decided to have both numbered streets and numbered avenues. To top this off, First Street and First Avenue are less than a mile apart than each other. Thankfully, they run laterally to each other and don't intersect. That could make the problems even worse. ("Meet me on the corner of Fourth and Fourth." "WTF?") The Chico State campus lies between these two numbers throughfares.

2) So, you're crusing along Ivy Street in the Streets. That's cool, until you start driving through the campus. Then, when you get close to the Avenues, you look at a street sign and mumber "What the..." because now it's says you're on Warner Street. Congrats, you've discovered this street's dirty little secret: It magically changes name through campus from Ivy to Warner. This was done to kiss the figurative heinie of Warner Bros. Studios after they shot "The Adventures of Robin Hood" with Eroll Flynn in Chico's own Bidwell Park (not to be confused with coffee shop chain Bidwell Perk).

3) Thought the Ivy/Warner street fiasco was bad? It can get worse. Imagine you're cruising into Chico from the freeway by way of Highway 32. All of a sudden, bang...now you're driving on Nord Avenue. You shrug your shoulders, since cities often give state highways street names through town...but does it switch the names without warning? Chico does. A couple of miles after Nord Avenue pops up, the street magically becomes Walnut Street. That's three miles, three different names.

4) Like trees? You'll love the names of Chico streets. Because there's a whole hell of a lot of them with tree names: Here's just a partial list: Chestnut, Hazel, Cherry, Oragne, Walnut, Oak, Fir, Cypress, Olive, Pine, Poplar, Alder, Sycamore, Cedar, Ash, Hickory, Oleander, Aspen, Camellia, Elm, Laurel, Hemlock. There are a couple of other names related to trees, such as Ivy and Hooker Oak.