Chuck Norris, y'all

This is an interesting generator that produces random "facts" about Chuck Norris. Here are the ones I got:

Chuck Norris is God's apology for the Holocaust.

Chuck Norris was kicked out of the National Kickball League for roundhouse kicking the balls through people's torsos.

Contrary to popular science theories, the earth actually revolves around Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has sold one clone of himself to each country in Europe, just in case the Germans ever decide to get crazy again.

Chuck Norris did not read the terms of agreement, but clicked the "I Agree" button anyway.

Or, you can just go to this list of the top 30.

You know you're in Chico when...

The hardest drink is water

A girl burns down her room with a candle and everyone sits, watches, and does nothing

The biggest problem is when there is 3 kegs and no tap

A 1 keg party isn't worth goin out

Your bestfriend's roomate's girl is on the cover of a famous porno.

You think you can go party and then come back and finish your homework before the morning.

Someone has the flu and everybody thinks that they got alcohol poisoning.

You find yourself eating at fth and Ivy more than twice a night.

You look at you cell phone's phonebook and don't remember alot of the people in it.

You spend more money on alcohol then food.

Your "You know when..." is better than San Diego State's.

You wake up in the morning with alergies and all your professors ask if you are high.

You pre-pre-party.

Your uncle in tennessee calls you to ask about some kind of porn scandal and to make sure you didn't take part in it. (yeah EVERYONE heard about that!!)

Your cure for a hangover is another beer

Every story on monday starts with "i was wasted and..."

It's not so amazing to see a porta-pottie smashed by a freight train and a couch burning in the street on the same walk home from the bars!

There's a hot dog stand in the middle of a parking lot.

When you hear thousands of angry screaming bikers at random hours of the morning tearing through the streets and campus, ripping apart bicycles.

When you walk into class stoned, then realize the professor is on meth.

"The Zoo" has nothing to do with animals.

You get to warm yourself with 20 other people around a burning couch at 7th and Chestnut.

Quarters is considered a national pasttime.

Your school mascot can breakdance.

Bars outdraw the soccer team.

You know you're from Siskiyou County when...

Third Street is on the edge of town.

You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway.

No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is
being varnished.

You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one.

There's no place to go that you shouldn't.

A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes.

Running from the cops consists of hiding in the woods

You have to name six surrounding towns to explain to people where you're from. (or you use a state border =)

You know what 4-H is.

You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, woods, or in the middle of a dirt road.

You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't

You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.

You were ever in Homecoming.

You have ever gone home for Homecoming.

It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.

You had senior ditch day.

The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

You don't give directions by street names or references (go to the
circle and turn at the bank and its right past blockbuster video).

You can't help but date a friend's ex.

Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will
never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck
for your birthday.

The city council meets at the library.

You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over
and ask if you need a ride.

Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.

Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

You can charge at all the local stores.

A cool vehicle had big tires or a bad-ass stereo.

You know exactly where to go when the party is at "the mouth".

Snail mail lives up to its name.

There's been a real problem with mail service lately.

It seems as though not everybody in the US Postal Service believes our street address exists. My roommate's dad had a package returned to him, even though he wrote the address and ZIP right.

When my mom sent me mail, it took a week to get delivered.

But, it finally hit a high level this past week(s), when it took nine days for my absentee voter information to be delivered to the Siskiyou County Clerk's office.

So, I decided to track the overall speed.

Distance from my house in Chico to the clerk's office in Yreka= 177.3 miles
Taking nine days to get there, distance travelled per day= 19.7 miles
Divide that by 24 hours= 0.82 mph

But, it's not totally snail mail, as this page lists the average spped of a snail at 0.03 mph.

My online empire expands...

Finally, after years of talking about it, I have a dotcom to call my very own

Hamstercult.com

I'll just carry the domain name around in my wallet or something.

Support the troops in yet another way!

The remarkable site of Rob Cockerham, cockeyed.com, has yet another interesting project--sending Silly String to American troops.

But, there's actually a good reason for this one.

Looking for some good journalists?

BK and Scotty's sites they designed for 355 are pretty flipping sweet.

I haven't been blogging enough...

At least that's what Tim says. And he's Tim.

So, to tide you over a bit here's an old column I wrote last year.

Waste of time to vandalize campaign signs

Robert Lahue
Opinion Columnist
September 22, 2004

I wanted to kill it. Torture it. Stab it over and over and rip it apart into tiny little pieces that would scatter in the West Sacramento Avenue breeze.

One my friends' neighbors had put up a John Kerry/John Edwards campaign sign in front of their house. If I had eaten lunch yet, I would have lost it. In case you haven't caught on yet, I'm not a big fan of the tax raiser/ambulance chaser ticket.

But I didn't do anything to the sign. That would be wrong. Unfortunately, not everybody gets that.

People are committing theft and vandalism against presidential campaign signs, and doing so is detrimental to the political process and the general intelligence of the human race.

You might think, "Gee, that's bad, but Chico's not too bad, right? We wouldn't do silly stuff like trash signs."

Think again.

"That stuff happens pretty frequently on this campus," said Shaun Curry, president of the Chico College Republicans.

Curry said he had campaign signs for the president in his backpack and had them torn up when he went to use the restroom during class. Signs have also been vandalized with markings such as swastikas.

Bob Ray of the Student Democratic Club said the local Democratic headquarters loses more than $1,000 worth of signs every election.

"People lose their signs every day," Ray said.

And Chico gets it mild. If you head north to Jackson County, Ore., the situation is more volatile. The Democratic headquarters in Medford had sign bulbs broken out and spit on the doors. Cars in an Ashland apartment complex had their windows smashed--but only the ones with Bush/Cheney stickers. One 74-year-old woman got so tired of having Kerry signs stolen from her yard that she climbed a ladder and put a sign up a tree.

Come on. Having a 74-year-old woman feel like she has to climb up a tree? Over signs that cost $5, tops?

I'm wondering what goes through the minds of these morons when their thought process (if they're capable of that, which is in serious doubt) comes to the conclusion to smash up a sign. I think it goes something like this:

"Sign. Sign for that one guy. Me hate that one guy. Maybe me should talk to sign owner. Debate policy. Have open communication. Respect each other. Nah, too much effort. Me just pee on sign for that one guy. That'll teach them."

Seriously, what do these people think they're accomplishing by messing with a sign? It's not like John Kerry is going to get up on a podium and say, "Hey y'all, I just got word that somebody threw ketchup on a yard sign along Hazel Street in Chico, Calif. In light of this, I'm withdrawing from the race. Two fingers, four more years, I'm outtie."

Well OK, I can hope he'd say that, but it's not going to happen.

All trashing campaign signs does is make the perpetrators look like idiots. It gives the community a black eye. Not to mention, vandalism is a crime.

Probably the dumbest thing is that the energy it takes to vandalize a campaign sign could be used to actually talk about politics. It's like when I was in high school and I lost the remote control to a television. I spent hours devising a Rube Goldberg machine that allowed me to change the channel while in bed. If I just spent that time looking for the remote, my problems would have been solved.

But that's common sense, and very few people have that.

So ditch the swastika drawing, thievery and 74-year-old women climbing trees. Leave everybody else's signs alone, go get your own and show them off with pride.