Robert's House of Hamsters

Somewhere between Sacramento, the Oregon border and that tingly feeling in your toes.


The Dregs of Democracy...

So, anyway, I thought I'd post some song lyrics.

This is a little ditty sung by pro-choice protestors at the March for Life last week, to the tune of "Jesus Loves the Little Children":

Jesus should have been aborted
Mary wanted a career
Abortion is a woman’s right
So we won’t give up the fight
Until you Christian assholes go away

[sarcasm]Thumbs up. Genius parody.[/sarcasm] And I'm on the cruel, heartless, jackass side of this debate?


Ever wanted to own a town?

Canadian ghost town sold.

Why is this place a ghost town? Fall in metal prices? Nope.

It's in Canada.

Har har. You Canuckers know I just make little laugh-joke.

World Domination Plan Just Hit a Snag...

Missile Deleted from Ebay But Launcher Remains.

Well, shoot.

(I guess that has a double meaning here, don't it?)

Now appearing in the new semester of The Orion...

Wit (maybe) (sort of) (not really)

So, my buddy said if I were to show up at his apartment, I had to bring four women with me.

20 minutes later, I show up...and throw the four queens from a standard deck of playing cards in his lap.

Ain't This the Truth...



As the 32nd anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision passed with people staring rebuke, ridicule, and torment in the face for their beliefs, I find myself ready to say I am ashamed to be part of the media, if that hasn't happened already.

So, knowing several people who would be part of marches on both the West and East Coasts, I wanted to see what my fellow folks in the press would have to report on the media.

But, pulling the AP Wire and making headlines on Yahoo! News, I find stories with leads like this:

Activists on both sides of the abortion issue marched in demonstrations across the country Saturday.

Yeah, that's unbiased. I guarantee that today, the anti-aborts significantly outnumbered the pro-aborts (as might even be the case nationwide today, even though this is not the case in the newspaper newsrooms. And that's something I have firsthand experience with.) Yet, the AP finds it totally appropriate to send a story out on the newswires that will give both sides of the issue equal time in this situation, yet when I hunted down info for the story on the big pro-abortion rally last year, the only mention of opposition I could find involved somebody throwing eggs filled with ink. Of course, situations where I could find evidence of pro-abortion activists attacking anti-abortions somehow magically find themselves void of the newspaper pages, although anybody with a pulse know these events are happenig. We'll have to wait until actual participants get back from the March for Life until we hear these stories. And, of course, you won't see them on the pages of your local newspaper page.

Of course, a major quotation in the primary story on the AP wire is given to none other than Jatrice Mariel Gaiter, the president of Planned Parenthood of Metropolitan Washington, where she enlightens the populace with words such as

"These are people who love fetuses but hate children."

Wonderful, Ms. (you all love to be called Ms.) Gaiter. This is evidentially based on the fact that we support the abolishment of abortion (damn right) but that abortion rights advocates do nothing to support adoption, foster care and other program designed to aid unwanted pregnancies.

Well, Ms. Gaiter, I'll withhold the much stronger words I have planned for you, and instead with this:

Unfortunatly, I wasn't able to attend the rally. I was busy helping move furniture for my grandparents, both in their 80's, who are moving into a new home in Redding. But, after that, I saw my cousin, 20 years my elder, playing with his children. His adopted children. His adopted children, which he and his wife had to fight for custodial rights from their drug addict mother. Ryan came up to me with a teddy bear, and I made the teddy bear walk upright. One of the highlights of my day.

Sorry I'm in college and am unable to give an unwanted child the time and care it deserves, Ms. Gaiter. Guess you can hold one point against me. Maybe two, since evidentially the foster care Patrick and Kelly and all the prayers I gave them for Ryan and Christina didn't mean jack, either.

While we're at it, I'm sorry I voted against totally unethical embryonic stem cell research in this election. I'm sorry I saw the possibility of life being created only to be totally destroyed for some sort of medical benefit that has been totally unproven for an insane amount of time while totally ethical research has produced infinite times more beneficial research in the same time period.

So, once again, Ms. Gaither, sorry I do nothing and know nothing to help with abortion alternatives.



Sue-Happy Stupidity #3

Student sues to end summer homework

This has got to be, offically, one of the dumbest things I have ever seen in print.

"Hey, I want to be in the honors program. Okay, so there's some summer work. But I don't want it. So I'll sue you to get rid of it."

If this doesn't get dismissed, you're going to see it in LOTC...


Sad, but true.

I'm stealing this from the Chico State College Republicans message board.

You're know you're from California if:

*Your co-worker has eight body piercings and none are visible.
*You make over $300,000 and can't afford a house.
*You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
*Your child's third-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring and is named Flower.
*You can't pot illegal?
*You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
*You have a very strong opinion on where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
*You can't pot illegal?
*A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
*Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the country.
*Unlike back home, the guy in Starbucks at 8:30 a.m. wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.
*You car insurance payment is as much as your house payment.
*You can't pot illegal?
*It's barely sprinkling rain and there is a "STORM WATCH" report on every news station.
*You pass an elementary school playground and all the children are busy on their cells or pagers.
*It's barely sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour early to get through all the weather-related accidents.
*HEY! Is pot illegal?!?!?
*The Terminator is your governor.
*If you drive illegally, they take away your license. If you come here illegally, they want to give you one.


The Lunacy of Courts #3...

Ga. Schools to Appeal Evolution Ruling

Okay, here's the text of the sticker in question:

This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered.

And that's promoting religion, says the judgement. Odd how religion is always hailed as the silencing of open minds, careful study and critical consideration, except when it's useful in a court decision to say otherwise.


...when will Michael Moore just go away?



One-Room School Faces $10,000 IRS Fine

This is just insane. I mean, come on, a screw-up of a little more than 3 bucks means this school has to pay $10 grand? Seriously, come on IRS, step up to the plate a little.

Well, it doesn't fit under "Sue-Happy Stupidity" or "The Lunacy of the Courts" or even the planned, upcoming segment "American Idiot Awards" but it still just makes you want to scream.


The Lunacy of Courts #2

Girl Caught in Red Tape Over Tsunami Aid

*slaps forehead* I don't know what else to do but slap my forehead and go "D'oh!"


Brad Burns- Roller Coaster- A Must-Listen!

It's a simple three-step process, folks:

1) Click Here
2) Listen to the music.
3) Buying the CD isn't a half-bad idea, either.

A Happy Camp kid who ain't too shabby at making pop-punk. And as we all know, pop-punk is good music.


The Lunacy of Courts #1...

Couple who locked boy in trunk avoid prison

Yeah, maybe the court is right this time. Maybe prison isn't the answer.

Let's have them serve a sentence locked in a car trunk.

Sue-Happy Stupidity #2

Signs of the times:

Toilet Brush Warning Wins Consumer Award

Are warning labels necessary? Sure. "Do not touch or else you will get the living crap shocked out you" or something sounds good for an electricfied fence. Things that have severly increased danger risks need warnings.

In the spirit of this, I have concocted several additional warnings that should be put into the consumer marketplace. Expect these tags to be seen soon in stores near you. In fact, let me know if you do, that way, I can sue them for copyright infringement...

Wax Fruit: "In case you don't notice that this tastes like a candle instead of an apple, this is not meant for human consumption."

Bleach: "Dying is not good. So, if you don't drink this, you won't die from drinking it."

Thumbtacks: "The pointy end can stab you."

Tampon: "Do not get this within a 10-foot radius of a male unless you like see them squirm uncomfortably."

Manure: "Not meant for know...there."

Plastic Bags: "Do not place over head to block out light while sleeping."

Fast Food Restaraunts: "Red meat...french fries with carbs galore...only veggies in sight are see-through thin slices to tomato on the burger...c'mon, you think this stuff is good for you?"

Alcohol: "It's pretty much a guarantee that drinking this is going to make you temporarily dumber."

Sue-Happy Stupidity #1

NBC's 'Fear Factor' Sued for Rat-Eating Episode

For many, many years, televisions have had these amazing battery-operated devices called remote controls. If you push a button on it, it can switch the channel off NBC. Thus, you don't have to watch it.

If you are unable to find the remote control (like had been the case for me for about a good two months), televisions are still equipped with buttons on the actual television itself that allow you to change the channel that way, too.

Interesting line:

His suit added, "NBC is sending the wrong message to its TV watchers that cash can make or have people do just about anything beyond reasoning (sic) and in most cases against their will.

Well...I think that's the truth actually. People will do anything if the price is right. I mean come on, if choking down a couple rats would get me $50K, I'd probably do that. I could find someplace to get a Master's degree at.

Against their will? How often have people just walked away from eating something disgusting on Fear Factor? Did they quit against their will, too?

Funny things to note.

1) Fear Factor isn't even the first show on TV to do rat eating. I think the first year of Survivor beat Fear Factor to the punch.

2) The person bringing this suit says he's "not at liberty to discuss the complaint unless it is a paid-interview situation. I don't need to be starting Professor Plum or Col. Mustard in the face to call that a wee bit of a CLUE!


Amazing what late-night finds you discover...

How this blog's stocks are doing.

As of this posting, I'm currently valued at 42 cents per share. Shan comes in at 60 cents per share, while Crystal's new blog trades at a mere 20 cents per share.

C? No Nuts.

CNN is an acronym for Cable News Network. Maybe it should readjust that to Crappy No-Guts Newsies (okay, not that good, and it might not even work depending on your persepctive, but I'll give it a shot.

Well, apparently the new chief executive considers Jon Stewart an expert in what should be on TV:

CNN Lets 'Crossfire' host Carlson go.

Tucker Carlson is adios from CNN, and Crossfire, after being on air for 22 years, is going to get buried in a shallow unmarked grave out back.

Heck, this new fellow in charge even agreed with me:

"I guess I come down more firmly in the Jon Stewart camp," Klien told the Associated Press.

So, the guy whose show is led-in by puppets making crank phone calls shouldn't be taken seriously as a journalist, but should be taken seriously when he criticizes journalists who are actually trying to be taken seriously. Well, maybe not their wardrobes in Carlson's case, but their work.

So, since there's all this cohorting in news coverage between CNN and Comedy Central now, should we be surprised that Carlson is the only one being given the heave-ho? If it had been Carville and Stewart going at it, don't be surprised to see the Ragin' Cajun getting a pink slip. Then again, that accent and the bald head might have saved him.

There's no overdose in commentary shows like Crossfire. It was just a little more obvious the last few months because there was a presidential election, and everyone was arguing. In all truth, as a former opinion columnist, these shows are valuable. You're getting two sides to the issue, right there, in front of your face.

If shows like Crossfire aren't valuable, then neither are opinion sections of papers. Or high school debate clubs. Journalists should just be lifeless, emotional drones who just say "this happened here."

Screw that. CNN just went downhill. Of course, what you expect to come from the mouth of a guy who used to be in charge of 60 Minutes?


You know how Planned Parenthood is all big on condom usage and women killing their babies and all that stuff, so they provide condoms at all their offices?

Well, Consumer Reports did a test of condoms out there. 23 different types.

Pop Quiz: What international baby-murdering advocates had their products finish ranked 14th, 22nd, and 23rd?

If you don't figure out the answer to this with the proper name starting you in the face and the extremely high levels of sarcasm saturating this posting, please do not reproduce.

In which case, I wouldn't suggest using PP condoms. ;)

Pondering Ponderings

So, what is there to read now that Dave Barry is on sabbatical?

Friends Don't Let Friends Take Hostages Drunk

Gunman Passes Out Drunk to End Standoff

Note to self: when I take people hostage, be sober. Very sober.

PETA idiocy continues on...

Jimmy Carter urged to give fish a chance

Things I'm noticing here:

1) PETA makes public notice of all their personal letters to famous people. If they were so big on this, wouldn't they do it privately?

2) Jimmy Carter. Could you have picked a more inept living president?

3) Carter snagged himself with a hook? Doesn't that kind of thing seem more up Gerald Ford's alley?

But, yeah, PETA, still bumbling fools with way too much money at their grubby little narrow-sighted, animal rape supporting, religion-mocking fingertips.

I'll give you hooks. ;)


The Great Facial Hair Debate... grow a fumanchu or to not grow a fumanchu?