You've got questions, I got answers.

In a fit of boring genius, I kept asking for new random questions in by Blogger profile. Here are my answers:

You have to dig a hole to China. Where do you start?
Mongolia, right along the border. Shouldn't take long then.

When your science teacher smashed a frozen rose with a hammer, did you warm the petals to bring them back to life?
No, because my science teacher never smashed a frozen rose with a hammer. Instead he told us his fantasy of being able to jump on a desk, choke somebody then throw them through a window.

Why don't you ever wear a scarf? It doesn't need to be cold outside for your neck to feel naked.
I'm a neck nudist. Deal with it.

You've rented a sky-writer to propose to your significant other, but it's completely overcast. What will you do?
Hire a dogfighter to shoot the sky-writer down. If I'm lucky, the wreckage might spell out the proposal as well.

You've written a hit musical! How will you avoid having fame go to your head?
Hang upside-down. If all my blood has rushed to my head, there won't be any room for the fame.

If mud is dirt plus water, what is clay?
Clay is Estelle's twin brother.

Describe the sound of a moist waffle falling onto a hot griddle.
A general sizzle, but here's the sound I would make: "Griddles are for pancakes, not waffles, you moron! Take some damn cooking lessons!"

You've just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?
Probably plastics. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

What kind of tape is best for creating a sculpture?
Scotch tape. Or, at very least, some scotch.

Radio wire is often used to make bird nests. What station do they listen to?
The oldies station — they like listening to The Byrds.

In the dream where you show up to school naked, why do you never go swimming?
Water's cold.

Why does the taste of pennies remind you of losing a tooth?
Same reason the taste of a few beers could remind you of the same thing.

Your superpower is that you smell like dandelions whenever someone lies. How will you maintain your secret identity?
Work in a potpourri plant.

If you were a cannibal, what would you wear to dinner?
The question is not what, but who. Muhahahahaha…

Create a tagline for a new line of plastic bedsheets.
More fun that baby seal clubbing.

When you've got water stuck in your ear, how do you get it out?
Go to the desert.

If you were a pirate, how would you avoid laughing when saying "poop deck"?
Work latrine duty for a few days.

You have a red jar of cedar chips. Why do moths miss the forest?
Moths can't read a map.

What would you wear for camouflage if you were hiding in a gingerbread house?
Graham crackers.

You can punch a hole in an apple using a straw. How do you think that makes your milkshake feel?
Shaky.

The first time you had your shoes taken off - how surprised were you to see that you still had toes?
As surprised as I was when Bugs Bunny outsmarted Elmer Fudd.

Please describe how you could take the peel off an apple all in one go:
Blow up the apple with dynamite. Never said there had to be an apple left afterwards.

You've got to make contact with the alien leader. How will you tell when the conversation is finished?
When the alien leader vaporizes me and destroys the planet. Don't have me negotiate.

You've broken up with your old band and are about to release your first solo album. Please write the liner notes:
Of course I'm going to be a success. Look at what happened to Tommy Lee, Scott Stapp, those other two chicks in Destiny's Child—oh crap, I'm screwed…

Paper or briefs?
Keep the sideburns.

Why does the color blue mean raspberry-flavored?
Doesn't it make you sad when somebody sticks their tongue out at you?

Lionesses have no manes. How do they know when they've grown up?
Mane envy.

Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp. What does it say?
I'm never visiting that dentist again…

Please come up with a more appropriate name for the ringtoe:
The cananybodyfigureoutapointforhavingthistoe.

What spells can you cast with magic markers?
Some real Sharpies.

Oscillate my metallic sonatas with your plan for the Panama canal:
*punch*

You've successfully slain the dragon! How will you toast your marshmallows?
To their bravery and courage and for many years of peace and happiness.

What would you name your ballet inspired by the sight of children leaping through a garden sprinkler?
Concussion in A Minor.

When you hesitate before hitting snooze on your alarm clock, are you being lazy?
No, thoughtful, because I could reach for the hammer.